My journey September 7, 2011

I wanted to start this blog to track my progress, feelings, path, decisions, choices from what happened to me in my life.  My real journey started 6 1/2 months ago, February 21, 2011 to be exact.  I have learned to cope with lives ups and downs.  I realized that life is full of choices that will affect MY future.  I wish I can turned back the time and make better decisions.  I wish my walk with god was stronger rather than casual.  But I can't!  I can only push myself to go forward because I can make wiser decisions.  My past is a reflection of good and bad decisions I made, but my future will shape me to be who I am.

September 7, 2011:
Today I am at a better mindset than I was yesterday and the day before.  The little voices in my mind were attacking me in every direction.  I tried to shift my thinking, I tried to changed the channel, I tried to changed the way the bad memories in my mind were playing etc... I keep telling myself to sing a new song to start living NOT surviving! Nothing worked!  I felt like the enemy won the fight yesterday and the day before.  So I prayed and prayed and asked God to help me.  God was telling me " I can't help you if you don't help yourself!"  "Ye of little faith!"  I felt like God was upset at me, but I know better!  God loves me unconditionally, he's my father, my daddy, he's my strengthen, my fortress, my rock.  He's my ALL IN ALL!
I was upset at myself for letting my emotions get to me!  I am hard on myself.  Aren't' we all?
Today I realized that (yes my emotions are on a roller coaster ride.. today I am maybe strong, tomorrow I may be weak or emotional etc..)I need to start living NOT surviving!  I realized that what doesn't kill me will make me stronger!
I realized my happiness is based on me NOT anyone else's.  I am NOT responsible for other's bad decisions or bad behaviors.  I am NOT responsible for someone's shame and guilty that they put on me to make themselves feel better.  I realized that the people in my life may be here today but gone tomorrow.  I realized that I have to be strong in whatever circumstances I deal with.
I realized that this journey will make or break me.  I have two choices, to make it or break it!

++++++++ I WANT TO MAKE IT.+++++++++++++

I am not going to play the victim like others!  There's a saying "Don't cry for someone who won't cry for you!"  Thinking back, all the tears I shredded could fill a tub for my little princess to bathe in!

I am still in the healing/recovery moment of my life.  So today my blog is better but tomorrow may be a different story.  But I want my blog to be filled with encouragements of moving forward instead of backward.  I've been going backward many times.

Suffering for a cause

Is life really unfair?  Some go thru life suffering and cursing at others for the pain, the suffering, the hurt, and the circumstances.  

• How would you approach this?  
• What is the next step?  
• Who do you turn to?  Alcohol?  Drugs?
• Or a pity party for yourself:  "I am the victim!"  "What about me? What about me?"   "I am suffering for your actions?"

What about you?  Did it ever cross your mind, how Christ suffered for our sins and our wicked ways?   Romans 5:8 states: "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Our suffering is very small compared to what Christ endured for our sins so we can have SALVATION.  All the suffering we have on earth is not comparable to what god has promised us.  If we never suffer, we will never have hope.  If we never suffer, we will never know what it means to endure.  Endurance brings forth hope.  If there is nothing to look forward to, we don't have hope for Christ's return.  In this hope, we are saved. 

Suffering also causes eagerness for redemption.  Redemption means no more pain, no more hurt, no more suffering, no more death and decay.  What a beautiful picture god painted for us when Jesus Christ returns.  John 2:27 "Then everyone will see the Son of Man coming on a cloud with power and great glory."
The glory of god at the end will save me and you!  The reward is glorious freedom with every lasting life in the beautiful paradise god created for us.  He is waiting for us to come home.  Romans 8:25 "we must wait patiently and confidently."  What are you waiting for?  Do you want to enjoy sinning only to be followed by pain and suffering?  Sinners only enjoy those temporary happiness/pleasures for a short-time.  Permanent happiness is if we are filled with god's glory. 

Romans 8:18 "Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later."